The Uninvited

This entry was originally published at Stephen A. Ray

Beloved Christian Brothers and Sisters at Ouachita

I have an issue that I need to discuss with you. Over the past few years during my tenure at Ouachita, I have noticed in my life and in the lives of others the development of a certain trend that has revealed its ugly head in our daily interactions - favoritism. I have never belonged to a group or clique. I am not the social club type of person. Thus, most of the people who are my friends are such out of no sense of obligation - primarily because the only “group” of which I am part is the Body of Christ, the one that is supposed to supersede all others.

Yet still, even within the Body here at Ouachita (and especially in CM), I have witnessed this favoritism phenomenon taking place. Despite the fact that we are created to be loved, affirmed, encouraged, accepted, and acknowledged by each other, the level of community that takes place here falls horrendously short of that standard and is no more biblical or mature than that of a third grade classroom where a popular student passes out invitations in class only to a privileged few (and sometimes even this is done in such an obnoxious way as to only emphasize the non-acceptance of those who were not invited).

Repeatedly, I’ve listened to the frustration of friends who were a part of this marginalized, uninvited group and have yearned for invitation…those who make comments that they hope will be witty or funny enough to gain acceptance; those who alter their personalities (only slightly) to be in line with the “invited ones” so that they will hopefully be noticed and warrant invitation, too. There are dozens of examples that you can think of, too.

And perhaps here, you’re tempted to place the blame on those attempting to gain admission - and though often the admission might be sought for incorrect reasons, the burden of blame still remains on the “invited”, considering that yearning for the love and acceptance of others (for whatever motive) cannot be seen nearly as heinous as rejecting such yearnings.

Honestly, I’ve been a part of both groups at different times. Sometimes I’ve been invited, and have rejected the yearning of others. But far more often lately, I’ve been the ignored - the unfunny - the unwitty - the only paid attention to when some gift of mine can be a favor to the invited - the uninvited. I can only think of two resolutions to this issue. One: in a practical sense, I resolve to only spend significant time with the True Body - those who love and accept me for who I am (kind of like Jesus did…and does). Two: in a theological sense, to recognize that, regardless of where the blame lies, regardless of what social dynamics cause or influence this phenomenon, regardless of what excuses and justifications and rationalizations might be thrown up, this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

SRay

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A New Night

This entry was originally published at Stephen A. Ray

Tonight, the Father and I had a good chat. I realized a few things. My past doesn’t have to shape my present or my future. God’s power for me is greater than the world’s power against me. And more than anything, the Father loves me and has good plans for me. As of now, I don’t know how big they are or how small they are, whether they will involve many or involve few, whether my deep desires will be granted or be refused - but what I do know is this: God knows what is best for me, whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. And if I live according to his Word by the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit, then those good plans will come to fruition, regardless of the details. And at that point it will seem to me undeniably that those plans are what I have been made for. Indeed, God can completely satisfy me. The only questions left for me are…will I let him? Or will I continue to attempt to find satisfaction and meaning apart from Him?

Isn’t that the essence of humanity’s struggle (and consequent sin) with God anyway? - a perpetual attempt to find purpose and love apart from God. Isn’t that the ultimate fallacy - how can one find purpose and love apart from the author and embodiment of purpose and love? In fact, if one has convinced himself that he has indeed found purpose and love apart from God, he has either deceived himself or he has only attained it in such a measure that, if compared to what one could attain in Christ, could only be described as incomplete or sad.

We were created to be loved by God and to love God.

SRay

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Been a while…

This entry was originally published at Stephen A. Ray

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve last posted. Since most of the posts that I do here have something to do with a religious matter, that would make sense, considering that God and I haven’t really spoken in a couple of months - until today. And it was good. Really good. Whether God reaches me through some powerful experience or through something as lengthy and unimpressive as some quiet time, I still arrive at the same conclusion at the end: I cannot find satisfaction apart from God. Some can, I think. Or at least some fake it well. But, I can’t. And even though I am sure that I will probably at some point attempt to continue finding satisfaction in this world (that ol’ sinful nature), I know that I will always return home. And now, during this dark place - during this wilderness, God has brought me back where I last dropped him off. And we have begun again. And I, with more wrinkles and scars, will learn to pursue God more fully. No matter what. No matter what.

SRay

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Been a while…

This entry was originally published at Stephen A. Ray

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve last posted. Since most of the posts that I do here have something to do with a religious matter, that would make since, considering that God and I haven’t really spoken in a couple of months - until today. And it was good. Really good. Whether God reaches me through some powerful experience or through something as lengthy and unimpressive as some quiet time, I still arrive at the same conclusion at the end: I cannot find satisfaction apart from God. Some can, I think. Or at least some fake it well. But, I can’t. And even though I am sure that I will probably at some point attempt to continue finding satisfaction in this world (that ol’ sinful nature), I know that I will always return home. And now, during this dark place - during this wilderness, God has brought me back where I last dropped him off. And we have begun again. And I, with more wrinkles and scars, will learn to pursue God more fully. No matter what. No matter what.

SRay

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Just So You Know

This entry was originally published at Stephen A. Ray

As some of you (if you know me) might have noticed, I have not really been myself lately. Over the past few months, I have allowed my faith to become nominal. I have only prayed when I have wanted to win a competition or needed money. I have ministered to my students with a half heart and not nearly enough concern. My commitment to my friends and loved ones has anything but consistent. And all the while, my struggles with certain addictions and sin have only increased in their intensities. God and I haven’t really spoken in a long time.

After having taken our students (from Park Hill) on a mission trip to a rescue mission in Memphis and a student conference in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, God has been at the front of my mind for a couple of days, convicting me and reminding me of what it meant to have real faith. True to form, I ignored him and continued to indulge in my normal sin. Then there was tonight -

I was driving home today after a long day of working for Randy Wright. I bought a couple of CDs at Lifeway earlier today; one was a Passion mix containing some great songs. I crossed the river on I-430 and began to hear these words:

He took my sin and sorrow. He made them his very own.
He bore my burden to Calvary and suffered and died alone.

How marvelous! How wonderful! And my song shall ever be.
How marvelous! How wonderful is my Savior’s love for me.

I began to tear up and soon my face was damp with tears. And then, I forwarded the CD to another song. And I heard these words:

Our God reigns. Our God reigns. Forever your kingdom reigns!
Our God reigns. Our God reigns. Forever your kingdom reigns!

I was sobbing uncontrollably and needed to pull over so that I wouldn’t wreck. I pulled over by the North Little Rock Airport and cried into my hands, broken by the Spirit of God, yet filled by his love with hope and anticipation of restoration. Wanting to prolong this sweet, emotional communion with God, I turned in my Bible to a familiar scripture:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?…No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come. nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I cried some more for a while. Finally, I stopped. After many tears and broken syllables and a phone call to my brother, I stopped and drove the couple of minutes home.

And God showed me something through those tears. There are two kinds of sinners: those who sin because they are selfish and want to have “fun” and those who sin because it is their hope and sustenance. I have been the latter, often indulging in certain sins because they fill the hole in my heart (or so I have been thinking). The truth is, however, that sin is like duct tape - it works temporarily, but provides a lousy replacement for a real fixing and only complicates the later fixing of that problem.

God made it clear to me that his way, though I don’t completely understand it, is better for me. His power is more real than even my circumstances, which already stand to change because of my hope in Him. My Father ran after me and dusted me off. And now, that master carpenter will fix my broken life - not with duct tape or glue or other cheap adhesives, but with things that forever bind, like love, compassion, understanding, providence, and righteousness. What a wonderful Father I have.

I look forward to tomorrow.

SRay

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